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**Sassy** · 07-22-2010, 04:28 AM

Really sad...Sparky passed away this morning. He is at peace now and no longer in pain...I'm sure he will always be with us in spirit...No one can ever take his place.

racerchick21 · 07-22-2010, 07:49 AM

I'm so sorry. I'm glad I got to know him a little through your forums. Goodbye Sparky you will be missed.

**Sassy** · 07-22-2010, 08:00 AM

Thanks Racerchick...Sparky sure enjoyed posting on the forum. He had to learn how to write in personal ways and it was exciting to him...He was used to tech writing on his job..Sharing in personal ways helped him stay busy and take his mind off his cancer. It gave him a sense of power and pleasure!!

**Big J** · 08-02-2010, 11:33 AM

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't been around much. Losing Sparky was devastating to me. I've been numb and having a really hard time grieving. Anyhow, I'm back and will try to post when I can.

Take care,
Big J

**Sassy** · 08-02-2010, 03:11 PM

(08-02-2010 11:33 AM)Big J Wrote: Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't been around much. Losing Sparky was devastating to me. I've been numb and having a really hard time grieving. Anyhow, I'm back and will try to post when I can.

Take care,
Big J

Thanks J...Know that this is a rough time for you too. Love you!

racerchick21 · 08-03-2010, 07:58 AM

You will have good days and bad days but it will even out eventually, you will stop dwelling on the fact that someone is gone and start feeling better about the good times you had with them. The only way not to feel hurt is not to love, and what a sad life that would be. I believe our loved ones would rather us remember them fondly than to despair over their passing.

**Sassy** · 08-03-2010, 08:07 AM

(08-03-2010 07:58 AM)racerchick21 Wrote: You will have good days and bad days but it will even out eventually, you will stop dwelling on the fact that someone is gone and start feeling better about the good times you had with them. The only way not to feel hurt is not to love, and what a sad life that would be. I believe our loved ones would rather us remember them fondly than to despair over their passing.

Thanks for writing...It's sure different to be a widow versus going thru a divorce...Will write more about it later. Have to take my cat to the vet now....Thanks for sharing.

**Sassy** · 08-04-2010, 09:39 AM

I know that time is suppose to "heal all" and it usually does. But this loss is "all consuming" and it may take a long time to be able to move on all the way...I feel "split apart" and "ripped open" and in "pieces" right now...

racerchick21 · 08-04-2010, 10:30 AM

It does take a long time. After two years my step-dad still can't bring himself to go through any of my mom's things. But has started meeting up with friends, visiting with family and neighbors, taking care of himself and the yard, and doing social activities. I don't think we ever move on all the way, someone who was a big part of our lives will always be a part of our hearts.

**Sassy** · 08-04-2010, 10:54 AM

(08-04-2010 10:30 AM)racerchick21 Wrote: It does take a long time. After two years my step-dad still can't bring himself to go through any of my mom's things. But has started meeting up with friends, visiting with family and neighbors, taking care of himself and the yard, and doing social activities. I don't think we ever move on all the way, someone who was a big part of our lives will always be a part of our hearts.

Glad your Stepdad is doing better now. How did he and your Mom meet? How long were they married? More in a bit...Thanks...

racerchick21 · 08-04-2010, 11:14 AM

They met at work and were together 25 years. The were married for about half of that time.

**Sassy** · 08-04-2010, 11:35 AM

(08-04-2010 11:14 AM)racerchick21 Wrote: They met at work and were together 25 years. The were married for about half of that time.

Did you learn a lot from watching your Mom and Stepdad together? My parents could be fiesty and stubborn and opinionated people and playful too...They "went rounds" together at times but it "all came out in the wash." It took me a long time to see their deep bond and love for each other...They were a good match despite the sparks that flew at times. They loved to play and tease each other too...Sorry that I can be so weird right now. This is a rough time for me. Thanks for hanging in...

racerchick21 · 08-04-2010, 02:10 PM

No, not really. They didn't live together until my late teens when I was preoccupied with my own life. I really didn't have a good example of loving stable relationship while I was growing up, probably one of the reasons why I've been married so many times. Don't get me wrong, they had a good relationship, just that most of it happened after I was out of the house.

**Sassy** · 08-04-2010, 10:14 PM

(08-04-2010 02:10 PM)racerchick21 Wrote: No, not really. They didn't live together until my late teens when I was preoccupied with my own life. I really didn't have a good example of loving stable relationship while I was growing up, probably one of the reasons why I've been married so many times. Don't get me wrong, they had a good relationship, just that most of it happened after I was out of the house.

I'm glad you and your husband have such a great relationship today...How did your Mom and Stepdad meet?

racerchick21 · 08-05-2010, 07:33 AM

They worked together at the same manufacturing plant.

**Sassy** · 08-05-2010, 08:46 AM

Racerchick...Do you and your Stepdad talk about your Mom together? Can he see your Mom in you? Just curious...

racerchick21 · 08-05-2010, 09:37 AM

We do sometimes. I don't know if he does or not, but I can at times. He goes to the grave site once a week and brings flowers, polishes the stone (and that of his best friend which is nearby), trims the grass back and sits and 'visits' for a few hours. I'm surprised at how many people do this, keeps them connected somehow maybe. I don't know that I would.

**Sassy** · 08-06-2010, 07:04 AM

(08-05-2010 09:37 AM)racerchick21 Wrote: We do sometimes. I don't know if he does or not, but I can at times. He goes to the grave site once a week and brings flowers, polishes the stone (and that of his best friend which is nearby), trims the grass back and sits and 'visits' for a few hours. I'm surprised at how many people do this, keeps them connected somehow maybe. I don't know that I would.

Everyone is sure different when it comes to visiting loved ones in cemetaries...I feel that my loved ones are with me somehow where ever I am. How do you feel?

Dale · 08-08-2010, 09:00 AM

I try to avoid going to cemetaries. My philosophy is to move forward, and place my concern mostly on the future. The past is gone, but we can learn from the past.

**Sassy** · 08-08-2010, 09:53 AM

(08-08-2010 09:00 AM)Dale Wrote: I try to avoid going to cemetaries. My philosophy is to move forward, and place my concern mostly on the future. The past is gone, but we can learn from the past.

THanks for posting...I like to keep deceased loved ones alive through memories and by getting to know them even better as the years roll by...They may not be with me physically anymore but I can still learn more about them by studying their life and their ways when they were alive etc...It's easy to "wear blinders" in some respects and areas when our loved ones are alive...It's hard to see and know everything about them and be totally objective about "who they are" or "who they were"....I have learned even more about Sparky and our relationship since he died because I've been taking my "blinders" off now...I know that it would be the same way for Sparky if I was the one who died first...We even talked about this a little bit at times when he was still alive.